Nothing says "I Love You" like a comically oversized teddy bear for #valentinesday

The bear, not the relationship.

Miss Representation shared this frighteningly bad infomercial by Vermont Teddy Bear. In it, men are exhorted to forgo chocolates and roses, and buy the wife/girlfriend/mistress what she really wants: an oversized teddy bear to cuddle when you're not around.


The gift itself is rather infantile. But the infomercial is really bad, attempting to position the bear as some kind of sexy gift.

If you want to underscore the sexiness of giving plush for Valentine's Day, you can also opt for "Teddy With a Teddy". Or, for your best chance of getting laid (or scaring her far, far away) shell out $29,999 for their "giant bear with a 5.90 carat diamond ring". Just make it clear that you're the one proposing...

Vince Offer is back...

With the Schticky.



Making a dramatic comeback after his arrest in Miami Beach for attacking a woman prostitute who he says bit his tongue, the manic pitchman works his legal problems into the new infomercial.

The writing is good, and the performance is dripping with self-conscious irony. Yes, it suffers from many sequels' fault of staying in the comfort zone (if making outrageous sexual puns can be considered that). And this is still a lowlife who gets into violent rows with women he pays for sex. But like a trainwreck, you can't not stop and look.

Thanks to Jackie for the tip!

F'd Ad Fridays: Calorie-burning underpants from Japan

Loyal Reader Martha W sent this link my way:



Apparently, the honeycomb construction of these undergarments burns extra calories, both in workouts and in everyday life, by adding resistance to every movement.

Yeah, sounds totally legit.

F'd Ad Fridays: Poo Trap - The Magic Poop Collector

Hahahahaha... poop.

Facial WTFlex?

BoingBoing just posted this video, taken from an infomercial for Facial-Flex - "clinically proven to lift, tone and firm your face chin and neck":



I'm scared too. Hold me.

Is this the stupidest infomercial ever made?

Here's an ad campaign that's such an epic waste of time, I could only post it on a Sunday: The Tajazzle infomercial.

This home "vajazzling" kit infomercial tries to be sexy, but ends up being simply bizarre. Perhaps it's because it attempts to discuss genital adornment in "PG" terms by sticking the things on every body part but that one. Or maybe it's because it wraps the whole stupid concept in terms of boosting "confidence" (wink! wink!).

I don't know. But I dare you to subject yourself to the entire half hour:





Well? How far did you get?

Selling Entertainment

They say you can't force a meme, but the guys at Vat19.com sure do a good job of trying. From the people who previously brought you the world's largest gummi worm and magnetic putty comes the latest useless product you'll have to own: Das Boot:



Like their other offerings, Das Boot is just an excuse to make another ridiculous online infomercial. Which would be annoying if their humour weren't so awesomely random. It's like Forever Lazy meets The Lonely Island.

It turns out that Vat19 is actually a St. Louis straight-to-DVD video production studio started by Jamie Salvatori.

This is where the magic happens.

 Salvatori turned to selling novelty gifts online way back in 2005 as a way to promote his services by giving unusual products the bizarre online promotion they deserved: "His philosophy is to create fun, entertaining, and descriptive web pages for each and every curiously awesome product sold on Vat19.com."

 The result is advertising that is truly entertaining. Or perhaps entertainment that is truly advertising.

Who cares? It's awesome.

Link via Copyranter.

Most homoerotically awkward ad ever?

Not that there's anything wrong with that, but:



Yes, it's a real product. It's even been featured on Ellen Degeneres.

I'd give my usual creative and pseudo-sociological deconstruction of this campaign, but I'm feeling a little uncomfortable right now, so I think the less said the better.

If it makes you feel any less awkward, there's a female one, too: