Won't someone please think about the (very confused) children?

NBC Dallas Fort Worth reports that this billboard, erected on a stretch of highway I-35, is causing quite an inflamed response among residents:

image via

Recounts local parent Rebecca Blake:

"We saw a big billboard with a cucumber on it and a face and it said 'Stop vegetable abuse. My daughter Sara said, 'What's that? Stop vegetable abuse?'For them to have to be exposed to something like that in a very public place is just uncalled for and offensive."

My problem is that I can't for the life of me understand why she took the amusing cartoon billboard as some kind of dirty joke. Okay, so the call-to-action was two URLs, www.condomstogousa.com and www.sarassecret.com (no relation to the younger Miss Blake), but what could sex shops possibly do — or sell — that would save a cucumber from being put in a position that would inspire such naked horror? It looks as if it were facing a very messy end.

Sounds to me like someone just needs to take the pickle out...

There's a video, too, but it was even more confusing. What does a cucumber have to do with insomnia and a buzzing flashlight?