"Marlboro Earth" cigarettes will save the planet

You've got to love The Onion. Even after years of coming up with new satire on a weekly basis, they still manage to rock out something like this:

Click to enlarge.

People are the greatest environmental threat to the planet, so any product that shortens their lifespans has a direct positive impact on ecology. It's greenwashing logic at work, and not that far off from reality:

Although industry research indicates people do offer some secondary benefits to the planet, such as recycling programs and wind power generators, studies have concluded these efforts fail to offset the disastrous potential of humanity.

According to Philip Morris, Marlboro Earths are the first green product to address that threat head-on.

"Wildlife habitat encroachment, climate change, the exploitation of precious natural resources—they can all become a thing of the past," said James Freedman, a member of the marketing team tasked with branding the new product. "Smoke these cool, clean Marlboro Earths every chance you get, and you'll reduce your carbon footprint to zero in no time."

Added Freedman, "Plus, you'll look really sophisticated and glamorous while doing it."

Read the full article here.