Oyster campaign accidentally promotes dirty BJs

Urban Dictionary defines a salty kiss as, "A kiss given after a girl has given oral sex to another guy. Generally within 15 minutes."

But let's face it — Urban Dictionary is mostly an exercise in creating naughty neologisms that nobody really uses. I'm not sure there's any combination of common words on there that is not claimed to describe an adolescent boy's idea of a funny sexual act.

So good on P.E.I. Fisheries Minister Ron MacKinley and executive director of the P.E.I. Aquaculture Alliance Ann Worth for shrugging off the non-controversy of this promotional poster.

Mister MacKinley told CBC, "let's face it, anytime anybody thinks of oysters at a bar or somewhere, sex does come up.”

Ms. Worth added, “Everybody knows that common words are interpreted in different ways by different people, particularly in the online world. I don't think that we feel that there is any sort of direct relationship to anything, other than wholesome, nutritious.”

Birch Hill, PEI resident Gary MacKay started the fuss when a Toronto friend with too much time on his hands sent him a link to UD. 

“Obviously no one in any of the partnership bothered to check things out or to follow due diligence. Once people start checking, PEI will become a laughing stock of Canada,” Mr MacKay said. “This is an embarrassment to tourists, producers, the oyster and all the citizens of PEI in general.”

Via Tobacco Ave.

Well, not really. Mister MacKinley was right to point out that oysters are, indeed, sexual no matter how you shuck 'em. Casanova famously ate 60 of the unmistakably vagina-esque shellfish for breakfast every day before setting out to cuckold half of Venice.

We're not laughing at PEI. We are laughing with them.

"Free small hot... redhead" #FdAdFriday

The Consumerist shared this unfortunate bit of Wendy's marketing that has been circulating on Reddit. Their coffee brand is, indeed, "Redhead Roasters" — a reference to founder Dave Thomas' daughter who is the fast food chain's namesake.

And that's what makes this extra awkward, considering the entire brand is built around a pig-tailed red-haired girl...

Footnote: Coincidentally, a GIS for "Wendy's" turned up this fan art in a link.

This is an example of what is known, in internet land, as "Rule 34"

Via xkcd

More unintentionally disgusting branding

Via Buzzfeed

Urban Dictionary: Cleveland Steamer (not for the squeamish)

It's not as obscure as most coprophilic sex acts defined on UD. This one entered popular culture via Tenacious D:

F'd Ad Fridays: Ham and WHAT sandwich?!?

Via Ads of The World

The naughty little microbe in the Brazilain public health ad is sorta cute.

I'm more disturbed by my fear that some guy seems to have mistaken this innocent ham sandwich for a sex toy. If the food's that "good looking" you've probably spent too much time without female company.

Headline writer unaware of Urban Dictionary

Via Buzzfeed

It's a Filipino-American newspaper from Northern California, provenance unknown.

For those of you neither young nor juvenile enough to find it funny, here is an annotated version:

MILF braces from FAP offensive

Forced memes aren't even trying anymore

Some Buzzfeeder posted this with the sarcastic statement, "Mark my words, this will become the new 'thing'."

Taking the Pop Tart from Nyan Cat and subbing it for the iPhone in "sexy" mirror self-portraits is mildly amusing — until you see the definition some Urban Dic submitter gave the term.

Internet, you can do better.

F'd Ad Fridays: PETA is against human fur, too

I think this partnership must have been the idea of a horny male Art Director who spends too much time dreaming up euphemisms for vulvas and submitting them to Urban Dictionary.

Or he's a big fan of Etsy.

Pic via Copyranter

JesusWeen is coming...

This is no joke. There really is a Christian religious group calling for believers to put the Christ back in Halloween.

From jesusween.com:

Every year, the world and its system have a day set aside (October 31st) to celebrate ungodly images and evil characters while Christians all over the world participate, hide or just stay quiet on Halloween day. Being a day that is widely acceptable to solicit and knock on doors, God inspired us to encourage Christians to use this day as an opportunity to spread the gospel. The days of hiding are over and we choose to take a stand for Jesus. “Evil prevails when good people do nothing”. JesusWeen is expected to become the most effective Christian outreach day ever and that is why we also call it” World Evangelism Day”.

Started in 2002, it's basically a more organized hybrid of the "harvest party" alternative celebration — promoted by some fundamentalist groups to keep their kids away from trick-or-treating — and controversial religious cartoonist Jack Chick's appeal to witness to children by giving his religious tracks at the door instead of candy.

(via chick.com)

In the case of JesusWeen, participants are encouraged to dress all in white and distribute bibles and tracts. And the movement has spread into Canada.

Metro reports that a 40-year-old Calgary pastor named Paul Ade, who says "I don’t believe Halloween represents anything close to God or close to Christianity". They are currently recruiting through direct outreach to likeminded congregations, as well as through Twitter and Facebook.

Again from the JesusWeen site:

"While we hope to impact more nations from next year, our focus for this year is to make major impact in Toronto, Calgary, Edmonton in Canada; focus on Maryland, Houston and Dallas in the USA; and London in the UK. In reality JesusWeen will be held by small groups, individuals or by churches in thousands of public locations and from home, therefore it’s not restricted to any particular city. The goal is to have JesusWeen groups (Jesus Winners) in every city and every nation spreading the love of Christ on October 31st."

They point out that "The dictionary meaning of Ween is to expect, believe or think."

Unfortunately, that is not what "ween" means in the parlance of our times. (Warning: Urban Dictionary is mostly written by teenage boys, and therefore highly offensive to everyone else.)

Holy unfortunate branding.