Enough already with "meatatarian" marketing

Via Burger Business

I like meat. I eat quite a bit of it. But there's nothing more tiresome than a junk food brand thinking it's being edgy by trolling vegetarians.

Remember this one?

It's an old idea, and this kind of oppositional marketing is only funny once or twice.

Call me a "meh-tetarian" I guess...

What does "premium" junk food really mean?

Burger King's "premium".

Last week, I saw an interesting post on Burger Business, a fast food industry blog about how the word "premium" has become a popular adjective for burger chains:

According to data compiled for BurgerBusiness.com by Mintel, its use on menus has doubled since 2007 (and this is even before Burger King’s new items), and not just at quick-service restaurants. In an economy where consumers are looking for top value without necessarily paying more for it, “premium” connotes high quality or high price without committing to being either. “Premium” sounds upscale, special, with a sophistication that “deluxe” lacks.

McDonald's "premium" line (from their online menu)

But what exactly does "premium" mean, in the realm of junk food?

The Oxford American English Dictionary defines the adjective as "relating to or denoting a commodity or product of superior quality and therefore a higher price."

Wendy's

The problem, of course, is that "premium" is not part of the USDA's grading standard. It's an entirely relative term. If the fast food chains are being honest, it could imply that the meat is better than what they were giving you before.

But this is marketing. What they really want to imply is "better than the other guy's."

KFC Canada: "The premium chicken breast is marinated in our hot & spicy seasoning
 for full flavor, then double breaded by hand for extra crunch."

It's total bullshit, of course. The word is absolutely meaningless in any real sense of food quality. But as a marketing term, it works. Hard.

From another Burger Business post:

Speaking at last week’s 2012 Protein Innovation Summit hosted by Meatingplace magazine, Technomic Executive Vice President Darren Tristano presented data on consumer attitudes to beef quality (not just burgers). According to Technomic’s 2011 Center of the Plate Beef & Pork Consumer Trend Report, 28% of diners say the amorphous descriptor “premium” would make them more willing to pay up to 5% more for beef at a restaurant or supermarket. Another 11% say that seeing that word would make them willing to pay more than 5% more. 

Technomic’s findings come as many of the growing “better burger” chains strive to set themselves apart by promoting the high quality of the beef they use. Elevation Burger, for example, touts its use of “100% organic, grass-fed, free-range beef.” The Cheeburger Cheeburger chain adopted all-natural, additive-free Angus beef. Farm Burger in the Atlanta area proudly serves grass-fed beef free of antibiotics and hormones. These terms signal quality, certainly, but consumers like “premium” even better.

There's even a chart:

Source: Technomic Center of the Plate Beef & Pork Consumer Trend Report

Note that the three descriptors below "premium" are specific and falsifiable. But people are much more likely to pay "slightly more" (and almost as likely to pay ("significantly more") for an adjective that costs the fast food chains absolutely nothing.

Here's how those same consumers describe their expectations of what "premium" beef implies:

Note that the top two responses have nothing to do with the way the meat was raised or processed, but only the cut and breed. Specifics about hormones and antibiotics don't even make the chart.

If the chains were to move towards hormone- and antibiotic-free meats, they'd greatly increase their costs. If you were them, after attending this "Protein Innovation Summit," which way would you go? (Burger business recommends "premium, 100% Angus sirloin."

Carl's Junior franchisee site

Which leads me to the conclusion that the problems with the industrial meat system will be with us until consumers are better educated.

Wendy's gets burned on Chick-fil-A Day

Business Insider reports that several Wendy's locations in North and South Carolina posted the message "We stand with Chick-fil-A" this morning. (It's Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day)

It was the work of one of the franchise's biggest restaurant owners, Jim Furman, CEO of Tarheel Capital.

Interestingly, Tarheel's corporate site has a Mission Statement that opens with:

We manage our business by the Golden Rule,treating others as we would like to be treated,holding ourselves to high ethical standards.

Hmmm.

The signs weren't up for long. While Mr. Furman told regional media that the signs were changed quickly because the company "felt it was time to go back to their marketing message."

This is what Wendy's Corporate Twitter-bot had to say:

Unfortunately, when the US national debate over equal marriage is this ugly, it's hard to get the stain of intolerance off your brand — even when it isn't deserved.

Umm... guys?

Wendy's dabbles in the fine art of "Insulinwashing"

Making corporate social responsibility partnership decisions can't really be that hard:

1) Does this partnership enhance my brand?
2) Is this issue of interest to my customers?
3) Am I sure this won't backfire, by drawing attention to a negative aspect of one of our products?

Somebody at Wendy's never got past #2 when they greenlit this gem (via The Consumerist)

Don't feel bad. You're in famous company:

Read about it here.

Read about it here.

"Free small hot... redhead" #FdAdFriday

The Consumerist shared this unfortunate bit of Wendy's marketing that has been circulating on Reddit. Their coffee brand is, indeed, "Redhead Roasters" — a reference to founder Dave Thomas' daughter who is the fast food chain's namesake.

And that's what makes this extra awkward, considering the entire brand is built around a pig-tailed red-haired girl...

Footnote: Coincidentally, a GIS for "Wendy's" turned up this fan art in a link.

This is an example of what is known, in internet land, as "Rule 34"

Via xkcd

The Baconator is PEOPLE! #F'dAdFriday

Via George Takei

Wendy's Canada "poutitions" parliament to recognize our national dish

Update: Wendy's e-mailed me with the following:

"Thank you for mentioning the Wendy’s Poutition in your latest blog post. We just wanted to clarify that we have yet to reach our goal of 100,000  signatures (we’re at 2,465 as of today)."

Which confused the hell out of me, because the "progress" graphic said they had reached their goal. (Turns out its the default screen you get if you try to look at the "poutition" without "liking" the page first.)

Anyway, if you want to pitch for poutine, you still have a chance...

That's right. The goopy, seems-like-a-great-idea-after-last-call, mix of fries gravy and curd cheese that Quebec gave Canadians everywhere: Poutine.

In a pretty clever Facebook promotion, Wendy's Canada is asking Canadians to "like" its page and sign the "poutition". If they get 100,000 clicktivists, they say they'll officially submit it to Parliament for consideration.

And they've apparently made it.

I assume the Opposition NDP will support the motion, seeing as they have so much support in poutine's homeland of Quebec. And the majority Conservatives, who were mostly shut out of seats in Quebec, and are still looking to make in-roads to the major Ontario urban centres where poutine is popular, will find this issue worth considering. (The third-party Liberals, in honour of long-serving Prime Minister Jean Poutine, will likely vote on party lines.)

The idea of making a classic Quebec comfort food Canada's "national" dish is likely to cause some controversy, however. First of all because it is already a "national" dish in the nation-within-a-nation that is Quebec. Second, many Westerners have yet to be converted to the ultimate junk food.

But I think it's a nice way to acknowledge that most great Canadian cultural icons come from Quebec: jazz legend Oscar Peterson, Oscar-winning Director Denys Arcand, Captain of the Goddamn Starship Enterprise William Shatner, Celine D-...  Did I mention the Captain of the Goddamn Starship Enterprise?

Even Wendy's has seen fit to make this an opportunity for the "Rest of Canada" to make Quebec feel more loved, even going so far as to parody the federalist slogan "My Canada Includes Quebec".

Double Down at the Dirty Bird

No, it is not consumer-driven fast food mashup like the Mcgangbang. Nor an obscure sport-eating food from the This Is Why You're Fat photoblog — like Ottawa's own gravy pizza.

This is an actual meal marketed by Kentucky Fried Chicken:

[via AdFreak]

Note that I called the chain by its old name, as opposed to the euphemistic "KFC". That was on purpose.

Years ago, the Colonel's troops got on the healthier food bandwagon and started offering grilled chicken and other low-fat options. Their corporate site still claims, "We believe eating sensibly, combined with appropriate exercise, is the best solution for a healthy lifestyle."

[via AVClub]

Made of two slabs of boneless fried chicken, bacon, double cheese and mayo-based sauce, the Double Down has 540 calories, 32 grams of fat, and 1380 milligrams of sodium.

So, an "appropriate exercise" to work the Double Down into anything resembling a healthy lifestyle would be to Running for an hour at about 8.4 km per hour (burning 531 of those 540 calories) or if you actually want to lose weight, biking for an hour at about 25 kph (590 calories). Of course, this assumes you didn't get a combo with a pop and fries...

Oh, and Health Canada recommends that adults do not exceed 2,300 mg of sodium per day. Per day.

While McDonald's keeps toying with portion control in an attempt to appeal to more health-conscious family consumers, Kentucky Fried Chicken has obviously decided their future lies more with young adult males. To this big-eating, big-drinking, burn-it-off-somehow generation the Double Down will provide a tempting alternative to heart-busting treats like the Burger King Quad Stacker and the Wendy's Baconator.

[via wikimedia]

Don't get me wrong. I love a good "bad" meal as much as the next guy. But this idea of competitive junk food eating being embraced by more and more international brands in their everyday menu items kind of turns my stomach.