Ellen DeGeneres, 1; One Million Moms, 0

From One Million Moms:

Recently JC Penney announced that comedian Ellen Degeneres will be the company's new spokesperson. Funny that JC Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of their customers are traditional families. More sales will be lost than gained unless they replace their spokesperson quickly. Unless JC Penney decides to be neutral in the culture war then their brand transformation will be unsuccessful. 

Their marketing strategy is to help families shop and receive a good value for their money. Degeneres is not a true representation of the type of families that shop at their store. The majority of JC Penney shoppers will be offended and choose to no longer shop there. The small percentage of customers they are attempting to satisfy will not offset their loss in sales.
JC Penney has made a poor decision and must correct their mistake fast to retain loyal customers and not turn away potential new, conservative shoppers with the company's new vision. 

"Importantly, we share the same fundamental values as Ellen," said Michael Francis, president of J.C. Penney Company in a press statement. "At JC Penney, we couldn't think of a better partner to help us put the fun back into the retail experience. Moving forward, we'll be focused on being in sync with the rhythm of our customers' lives and operating in a 'Fair and Square' manner that is rooted in integrity, simplicity and respect. We're thrilled that she's joining our team to help convey the exciting transformation under way." 

"They have an incredible vision for the future and are completely re-inventing themselves to become America's favorite store," said DeGeneres in a press statement.

By jumping on the pro-gay bandwagon, JC Penney is attempting to gain a new target market and in the process will lose customers with traditional values that have been faithful to them over all these years. 

TAKE ACTION
Make a personal phone call to JC Penney's customer service department. Their numbers are 972-431-8200 (customer service) and 972-431-1000 (corporate headquarters).
Ask JC Penney to replace Ellen Degeneres as their new spokesperson immediately and remain neutral in the culture war. 

"Neutral"? Hilarious! Neutrality would mean accepting that sexual orientation has nothing to do with the issue.

But I love the way OMM quote JC Penney and DeGeneres as if we're supposed to be outraged. JC Penney has made an excellent move in striking up a partnership with a celebrity who gay and straight people alike love for her humour and intellect.

According to Reuters:

"DeGeneres' daytime talk show has more viewers than the American Family Association has moms. Between January 16 and January 22, "Ellen" averaged 3.38 million viewers -- or 2.38 million more people than the AFA has moms."

And then she totally owned them with this statement:

Give it up, one million morons. Your relevance has passed.

F'd Ad Fridays: Tobias Fünke just blue himself at Ben & Jerry's

Just a couple of weeks ago, One Million Moms (part of the American Family Association) was calling for a boycott of Ben & Jerry's for the corrupting influence of their new Schweddy Balls flavour.

But instead of indulging the testicle-obsessed moms with a retraction, B&J (bless their hearts!) are sticking it to them once again. In fact, they're upping the game.

NY Mag reveals the latest in-your-face flavour, above, which is released in honour of Arrested Development's return to TV. If you aren't familiar with the Tobias Fünke character (played by David Cross), he is an analyst/therapist ("Analrapist") who is obsessed with the Blue Man Group and contantly makes Freudian slips that reveal his presumed (but unrealized) homosexuality.

Trust me, this is hilarious. And I'm sure the AFA will think so too.

F'd Ad Fridays: Who wouldn't want to lick a big scoop of Schweddy Balls?

One Million Moms, that's who. This sub-brand of the hateful American Family Association takes issue with Ben & Jerry's newest goofy ice cream flavour:

The ice cream is based on one of latter-day Saturday Night Live's funniest (and most puerile) sketches, starring Alec Baldwin at his deadpan best:



But why watch? The Million Moms are happy to describe it to you in lingering detail:

The name originated from a Saturday Night Live skit featuring Alec Baldwin as Pete Schweddy, owner of a holiday bakery called Season's Eatings. "There are lots of great treats this time of year," Schweddy says. "Zucchini bread, fruitcake, but the thing I most like to bring out at this time of the year are my balls."

He then explains that he sells popcorn balls, cheese balls, rum balls—balls for every taste—and the ball puns proceed for about four minutes. Ben & Jerry's chose to go with fudge-covered rum and malt balls for their flavor. The skit culminates in Baldwin stating that "No one can resist my Schweddy Balls."

Neither can they, obviously. However, they are calling for a boycott of Ben & Jerry until "they refrain from producing another batch with this name or any other offensive names or you will no longer be able to purchase their products."

Their last "offensive" ice cream name, according to the Moms, was "a special edition of Chubby Hubby called Hubby Hubby last year which celebrated gay marriage."

Yes, the ice cream brand is amusingly f'd. But there's nothing funny about the effing AFA.


via BoingBoing