McAwkward

At first, I assumed this image floating around the internet was fake, because the placement of the "M" makes for a hilarious read.

But e-bay says differently.

Happy Long Weekend!

More weird European condom ads

My French isn't good enough to catch all the nuances of this series of short ads for Intimy condoms. But I think I caught the broad strokes.



It's all about dick jokes, right? And disembodied parts. Apparently, it's being shown so much on TV that French teens despise it.

The last one is the strangest: "Is that a glowworm? No, it's Michel's phosphorescent penis flopping around in the woods at night!" (Or something like that.)

Better translations welcomed, in the comments below.

H/T Cassandria for the tip.

Spanish condom ad shows how easy it is to "sheath" your "sword"

After reading last week's post about a weird Spanish tampon ad, a friend in Spain sent me this:



Initially, I had assumed that the product benefit being shown was some kind of new lube, but thanks to Google Translate I now know that Control is a brand of condoms with an idiot-proof applicator. Apparently, the sheath represents the product being applied rather than ye mediaeval maiden's vagina. (Easy mistake to make, however, when you consider the etymology of the word.) The point being that her knight is sooner ready for her.

Thanks, Rachel, for the tip.

Fly the creepy skies with Richard Branson

In this bizarre little video, posted on VirginAmerica's YouTube page last week, CEO Richard Branson lets you know how much superior he is to you. He also suggests that a great way to get "lucky" during your long air flight by buying an unsolicited drink, snack, or even full meal for an attractive stranger in another seat:



How this was expected to be a good idea is beyond me.

Policymic's Elizabeth Plank recounts the horrific reality of being the recipient of unwanted sexual attention while trapped on a plane:

...the flight in which I experienced sexually harassment offered free alcoholic beverages. I was 19 and it was my first time flying alone. My harasser took advantage of the free booze policy (although he eventually ended up being cut-off by staff). He didn't need a "seat-to-seat delivery" to harass me. He didn't need the CEO of a flight company to make that process more convenient (and entirely acceptable). He was drunk and he felt entitled to me and my body. 

He touched my thighs. He touched my hair. He verbally harassed me. He sent me lewd notes while I tried to pretend to sleep in the hopes that he would just stop. Maybe if I closed my eyes, he would just disappear? He didn't. My disregard for him only made him more persistent. When I shouted at him to get him away from me, he told me I was overreacting. He said I was the crazy one.  

I had nowhere to go. I coudn't escape. I was 35,000 feet in the air and there was no exit. I was trapped. I was being stalked and my attacker was stuck to me like glue. There wasn't any other seats on the plane. He was so close to me that I could smell his intoxicated breath.

Welcome to Virgin America, the airline "dedicated to making flying good again"...

Could Lululemon get any weirder?

Via Lululemon

The ad above ran a couple of years ago. Yoga people seemed to like it. But right now, the Canadian stretchpants empire is in big financial trouble over a massive recall of black yoga pants that showed even mo' than toe.

"The truth of the matter is, the only way that you can actually test for the issue is to put the pants on and bend over," Christine Day told analysts on a conference call in which executives were repeatedly grilled about the pants debacle and the company's quality-control process. 

"Putting them on themselves does not solve the problem," she said, adding the pants made of the company's signature black Luon fabric had passed a series of standard quality metric tests and felt normal to the touch. "It has to be engaged in a four-way stretch for the sheerness to appear. It is a very complex thing to test for."

In case you haven't heard, the pants are reported to become transparent in certain positions. But the "bending over" quote isn't the first questionable PR thing said by company executives.

Business Insider has compiled a list of weird facts about Lululemon, starting with founder Chip Wilson's explanation that the company owed its success to the birth control pill. Not for good reasons, mind you, but because the pill created a world in which women worked, became more stressed, tried to dress like men, and lived unhealthy lives that resulted in breast cancer.

Almost overnight, women went from 20% to 56% of the university population.  By the 1990’s, Super Girls were finishing university where they excelled at school and sports.  They then entered the work force en masse and tried to figure out how to compete in a 12-hour-a-day competitive job market and have a functioning family.  Rarely did the two reconcile which created, and is still creating, an inordinate amount of stress on women today.  Fortunately, there is a direct correlation between education and health.  Super Girls knew that the best way to combat stress and sickness was to create natural endorphins found in athletics. 

Breast cancer also came into prominence in the 1990’s.  I suggest this was due to the number of cigarette-smoking Power Women who were on the pill (initial concentrations of hormones in the pill were very high) and taking on the stress previously left to men in the working world. 

In 1997 or so, yoga emerged as an activity that was both accessible and non-competitive for its participants.  It showed up at a time when women recognized the benefits of decompressing and living in the moment.  Yoga provided the same great feeling as snowboarding or surfing but could be done in an hour and a half and close to home.
Ultimately, lululemon was formed because female education levels, breast cancer, yoga/athletics and the desire to dress feminine came together all at one time.  lululemon saw the opportunity to make the best technologically advanced components for the Super Girl market.

Here's something Chip said about child labour:

According to those who attended BALLE BC conference, Wilson told the delegates third world children should be allowed to work in factories because it provides them with much-needed wages. They also say he argued that even in Canada there is a place for 12- and 13-year-old street youths to find work in local factories as an alternative to collecting handouts. 

"I look at it the same way the WTO does it, and that is that the single easiest way to spread wealth around the world is to have poor countries pull themselves out of poverty," 

And then there's this:

Some say that the recall, despite plunging Lululemon stock, is also providing priceless earned media. Could be. But when more and more people peer into the depths of this brand, what will they see?

Update: The answer to the question posed in the headline is YES.

Jeans for furries #FdAdFriday

...and "featheries" and "slimies" (God, I hope there are no slimies.)

Sex portrayed as predation is rather par-for-the course in fashion.But these whimsical illustrations by Huacho Malo, for Chilean agency Inbrax, leave nothing to the imagination.

That's right— a topless salamander with breasts, eating anthropomorphic snails. Rule 34 in action.

Via Ads of The World

Vajamas #FdAdFriday

"So Soft, We Couldn’t Name Them Anything Else," says novelty company Betabrand:

Why are Vajamas so soft? Because they're made with 100% Vagisoft. And just how soft is Vagisoft? Let us explain: 

Once upon a time, the world of tactile technology was satisfied with “soft as a baby’s bottom” as the measure of absolute softness. Anyone who dared name something “softer than” the aforementioned infant’s posterior was suggesting a theoretical world of soft that existed beyond anything man could conceive. 

Then Betabrand researchers invented the Tactile Soft-O-Meter®, a device that can detect and compare the density of softrons, the subatomic units of softness. Using this newfound knowledge, they were able to create pants so ineffably comfy, test subjects had to be removed from them with the Jaws of Life!

I'm not sure if the designer is tragically oversexed, or has severe mommy issues. It's difficult to tell.

This user comment, however, rules:

The vagisoft pockets of my Reversible Disco Jacket are so alluring that I often find myself sharing them with multiple partners, two or three at a time. Given the hugely increased volume of these pants, I'm excited by the possibility of introducing a whole gang of friends to the warmth and comfort of vagisoft!

How to piss off every woman in tech

Adrants' Steve Hall made me aware of these appalling promotions that were sent in an invitation e-mail to VentureBeat's Jolie O'Dell in advance of the Consumer Electronics Association's annual International CES trade show.

Her public response is worth repeating:

Voco, I regret to inform you that I will be unable to visit your CES booth this year. I moreover regret that I will never review, recommend, or use your products, no matter how interesting and innovative they are. I most deeply regret that you don’t have enough respect for me to put yourself on my level and look at the world and your ads through my or anyone else’s eyes. 

I regret that the only consumer or reviewer you care about reaching is the man who likes women’s disembodied sexy-parts. I regret that you don’t know any men who think women’s brains are sexy, too. 

I regret that you didn’t have a woman on your leadership team with the authority to nix these ads as the irrelevant smut they are. I regret that you’ll probably pass the buck to Dirk Marketing for designing the ads, and also that Dirk Marketing doesn’t employ strong women in leadership roles. 

I regret that not enough little girls in my kindergarten class took an interest in technology and went to college to study computer science and flooded the tech industry, making this kind of marketing out of the question. 

I regret that the only women you think this industry can relate to are a smattering of tarted-up body parts — not even a whole person, not even a whole face.

Voco is a voice-control technology company trying to make it in an extremely competitive market. 

Ms. O'Dell is an extremely influential tech writer with connections to Mashable, ReadWriteWeb and mainstream media.

Ouch.

The US Navy launches one of the world's worst anti-drug campaigns

Business Insider writes, "The U.S. Navy produced this public service announcement warning recruits against using bath salts for all the obvious reasons -- vomiting, paranoia, brain swelling and violent behavior. Plus, you might see demons!"



Sort-of-cool Exorcist references aside, it commits many of the cardinal sins of drug awareness social marketing: It overstates the danger (showing a first-time use as immediately deadly); it's laughably cheesy; and it ends with a big lecture from "the man".

"Bath salts" are a nickname for a family of designer drugs typically containing substituted cathinones. According to Wikipedia, they have effects similar to meth and cocaine.

Not that that's a good thing. But these drugs are in widespread use among youth. When you only show the worst-case scenario for a recreational drug, you risk losing all credibility with any new user who experiences a good trip — or even knows someone who has had a few.

Sex dolls recycled into wearable art

Vice recently featured works by Dutch artist Sander Reijgers, who "has created a number of wearable items – including jackets, gloves and hats – by mixing old, cut-up bits of sex dolls with other bits of clothing from big sportswear brands like Nike and Reebok, so you stay stylish while creeping people out."

Here is what he says the art represents:

"... the woman is a product nowadays – they must be attractive and seductive. For example, in advertising, a carton of milk has to be sold with a horny-looking or half naked woman. The woman is subordinate and the man is dominant. I use those roles and imagery in my work."

Those aren't pockets...

He says his mother helps him sew the designs.

This fake hot sauce ad will make you cringe in so many ways

You can cringe at the stereotypes, you can cringe at the comedic sexual harassment, or you can just... cringe:



The  pervert is Rhys Ifans, a welsh actor known for his roles in The Replacements, Notting Hill, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and The Amazing Spider-Man, as well as being the frontman for Super Furry Animals. The woman is Belgian/Spanish musician Bilonda Mfunyi Tshiabu. The film was written and directed by Marcus Kuhne.

Thanks to Perry for the tip.

"Cocker is coming on A&M records"

Well, that's a bit... awkward.

From a cool collection of '70s music industry billboards currently featured on Creative Review.

Sony compares playing their new PS console to feeling up a four-breasted woman

"Two sides to touch. Twice the sensations." reads this French ad for the PlayStation Vita.

According to Adrants, English Sony people on the other side of the Channel have completely disavowed the ad, following a PR shitstorm on Twitter and elsewhere, stating "this advert is not creative that we are or would consider running in the UK."

Way to improve the image of gamers, Sony France. Now people will be convinced that your target market really is composed entirely of zitty 15-year-old boys who can only fantasize about what actual women's breasts feel like.

This Sexy Big Bird costume is brought to you by the letters C, E, A, S, E, A, N, D, D, E, S, I, S and T

With Big Bird the new symbol for the hate-on that Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has for PBS's public funding, Big Bird Halloween costumes are selling out across the United States. But Sesame Street Workshop would like the world to know that the push-up Big Bird minidress (above) is not an officially licensed product.

Sarah Beth Erb from Sesame Street Workshop told Buzzfeed's Katie Notopoulos, “our legal team has sent a cease and desist letter to the website selling them, will monitor the site, and follow up accordingly to make sure the items in question are removed.”

This, according to the Buzzfeed post, is the official costume:

I have to admit, Flapper Big Bird seems as strange to me as Slutty Big Bird. And the latter isn't nearly as hypersexed as many other costumes being pitched to young women these days.

Interestingly, Yandy sells both costumes on its site, the official one as "Sexy Big Bird Costume" ("Learning the ABC's has never been this sexy") and the other as "Exclusive Yellow Dress and Stockings" ("Bird head piece not included"). Sure, they suggest wearing a "Big Bird Headband" with it (as modelled by a young girl). But I'm not sure SSW has much of a case.

PETA has a situation here #FdAdFriday

Now THAT's some bad punnery.

Via Gawker.

Guaranteed nightmare pillow

Via Retronaut.http://www.retronaut.co/2012/09/bedding-ads-1970s/

Have a nice weekend.

Racism again rears its ugly head in anti-abortion ads

It's not the first time charges of racism have been levelled at a "pro-life" ad, but this time there was nothing subtle about the message:

Via Tumblr

This was a homemade job, that showed up on the campus of the University of New Mexico recently. And Native American students were not happy about it:



Feministing reports that a representative for 40 Days for Life, who were thought to be behind the posters, denied that they were associated with the group.

Student placards read, “Racism is not pro-life” and “We will not be used to further your political purpose.”

Feminsting adds:

Native women–who face rates of sexual violence that are twice as high as the rest of the country–often severely lack access to reproductive health care. A recent report found that only 10 percent of the pharmacies in the Indian Health Service system offered Plan B over the counter. And thanks to the Hyde smendment, abortion isn’t covered under the IHS or Medicaid.

Unfortunate grocery store context

Via The Consumerist

Or is it? Happy weekend.

Bic Cristal for Her Ball Pens now has a TV ad

"Finally! A pen for girls!"

What the hell is going on with Bic pens? I posted earlier this week about the Canadian ad they pulled of its Asian stereotypes and insensitivity towards condemned prisoners.

But the bigger story, which I skipped since others had it well-covered, was its disastrous launch of a pretty line of Bic Cristal for Her Ball Pens.

Yeah, products that target gender stereotypes are nothing new, but mocking this particular one became a kind of sport for amateur feminist wits on Amazon, which caused the hilarious fail to go viral.

Here's an example:

Someone has answered my gentle prayers and FINALLY designed a pen that I can use all month long! I use it when I'm swimming, riding a horse, walking on the beach and doing yoga. It's comfortable, leak-proof, non-slip and it makes me feel so feminine and pretty! Since I've begun using these pens, men have found me more attractive and approchable. It has given me soft skin and manageable hair and it has really given me the self-esteem I needed to start a book club and flirt with the bag-boy at my local market. My drawings of kittens and ponies have improved, and now that I'm writing my last name hyphenated with the Robert Pattinson's last name, I really believe he may some day marry me! I'm positively giddy. Those smart men in marketing have come up with a pen that my lady parts can really identify with. 

Where has this pen been all my life???

Now, to add fuel to the fire, they've released a TV campaign:



Hey, at least people are talking about these issues now.

Playboy celebrates "Pleasure in your hands"

Wow! Talk about truth in advertising. Also, ewwwww...

Ads by Neogama BBH, São Paulo, Brazil.

Via Ads of The World