Wasn't the Eye of Sauron always a big...?

Okay, perhaps you're not as jaded as me. But I got more than one giggle out of the yonic symbolism in the manifestation of evil in Peter Jackson's film adaptation of Lord of The Rings.

When I saw this on Ads of The World, however, it occurred to me that perhaps I wasn't the only adman who saw naughtiness in Mordor:

It's just the latest in a trend towards ads that take the "sex sells" axiom to absurd extremes.

Unlike the unappetizing "food porn" campaign I wrote up in November, however, this one at least is literally selling sexuality. Even if it betrays a certain film nerd fetishism in the creative team:

You may remember that gag from Spaceballs:

The other two are more original, but less impactful:

The campaign is by Kinga Grzelewska, Marcin Nowak, Bart Biały and Łukasz Gromkowski at Lowe, Warsaw.

No girls allowed in LEGO Middle Earth

There has been quite a lot of talk lately about how LEGO went from a gender-neutral building toy to a series of highly-gendered play sets for boys and girls.

Well, Casey recently alerted me to the latest in the "boy" play sets: LEGO Lord of The Rings.

Clearly based on the movies, rather than the books, it features a number of scanarios from Galdalf's arrival in Hobbiton to Sauron's subterranean orc factory.

What it doesn't feature is any female characters. No Arwen, no Galadriel, no Éowyn. Not even female Hobbits. The only female in the entire set, apparently, is Shelob the horrible giant spider.

The sets focus on battle and brutality, but the complete lack of female characters is striking. In the Peter Jackson movie franchise, some effort was made to give some appeal to female viewers, apart from all Tolkien's old-school unattainable princessy characters, by making the character of Éowyn more prominent as a warrior. But even the crusty old author, with his medieval worldview, gave the "shield-maiden" a front-line role in killing the Witch-King. Why miss the opportunity for at least a token kick-ass woman?

This just goes to show how increasingly ut-of-touch the LEGO designers are getting. They may claim to be appealing to boys' demands for gross and violent battle toys. But even my vintage Star Wars action figures had a kickass Leia. Not the gold bikini one, the "Someone has to save our skins!" bun-headed Rebel spy from the original film. (You know, the one LEGO put into its classic Star Wars collection?"

LEGO is entirely within its rights to tell girls to forget about fantasy and adventure and get back to the kitchen, I suppose. But I also get to call them on it.

Chewbacca celebrated Star Wars Day by having a bubble bath with two women

The last remnants of the Empire have been defeated, and it is a period of peace in the galaxy. The Jedi Order, no longer needed in their role as defenders, have scattered across the stars and started new lives...while the Sith wait quietly hidden in their midst. Such a Jedi and her Sith counterpart have found common ground and established a new business together on a remote planet. United by a love of animals and a belief in the force, they have rededicated their lives to the art of grooming. Their latest mission leads them to the base of a former Rebel. Though the war is over, they have not forgotten where their true allegiances lie...

This is one strange fake ad. Last Friday, "May the Fourth (be with you)", was Star Wars Day, and it inspired this Seth Green-directed commercial spoof: According to Nerdist:

"The Fourth is in Force at the Nerdist Channel, where nothing says celebrating Star Wars fandom like two lovely ladies with lightsabers. "Saber 2: Return of the Body Wash" sees Rileah Vanderbilt and Clare Grant returning to their popular fake-but-we-wish-it-were real cologne commercial world with a curvaceous clone-war twist. Watch as things get wetter than the planet Kamino in the newest Duel of the Femme Fatales."

Ummm... okay. Clare Grant, by the way, is Seth Green's wife.

F'd Ad Fridays: She's shitting

I have no idea wat they're actually saying, but this vintage Japanese Star Wars ripoff has so much else wrong with it, I might as well think it's about the laxative qualities of canned tuna.



Via illegal advertising

F'd Ad Fridays: Star Wars porn parody more into FX than sex

According to the You Tube post:

"With the highest budget ever for an X-rated spoof, an all-star cast, and award-winning director Axel Braun's legendary attention to detail, STAR WARS XXX: A PORN PARODY, a joint venture between Axel Braun Productions and Vivid Entertainment, is poised to become the most successful Adult movie of all times. The long-anticipated official trailer offers a sneak peek at the extensive special effects, spectacular production value, and totally metrosexual C3PO. May the farce be with you!"

Now, call me old fashioned, but I thought pornography was supposed to be about people having sex in every conceivable position while muddling through a contrived storyline about a cable guy or something.

Allie Haze, who plays the princess, says that this parody is "staying really true to the original."



Indeed. As George Lucas once said, "there's no underwear in space".

F'd Ad Fridays: Give in to the dark side of the burger...

Belgian fast food chain Quick has created something rather... disturbing as a tie-in to the release of Star Wars Episode 1 in 3-D: a black bunned Darth Vader burger.

There's also a Yoda-themed Jedi burger, but I guess a green bun was considered somehow more unappetizing, so they kept in natural.

There's also a burger based on Darth Maul, who apparently really loves cholesterol.

To be honest, the scariest thing about this whole deal is the thought of seeing Jar-Jar in 3-D.

Via complex.com

F'd Ad Fridays: Star Wars pin-up propaganda calendar

Photographer Joey DeMarco managed to combine an obsession with WWII recruitment posters, Star Wars, and tits in his unlicenced calendar on Etsy:

DeMarco ads, "Quantities are limited. Get them now before you-know-who slaps a Cease and Desist on me!"

Pretty cheesy stuff. However, the samples he posted include one epic mashup:

You can see all the Star Wars pin-ups here.

The Star Wars Trilogy as a burlesque routine

Star Wars Burlesque from Tenderloins on Vimeo.

Creative Director Russall Beattie told stuff.co.nz that his show combines "the greatest thing of being a kid with the greatest thing of being an adult".

"Slave Leia" burlesque wasn't a big stretch.

"Cameltoe Boba Fett." however...

Tip via Buzzfeed

May the vaccinations be with you. Always.

When I was a kid, and Star Wars was still shiny and new, Lucasfilm lent out the cheaper characters for TV Public Service Announcements against drunk driving and smoking.

This doctor's office poster, however, just seen on Reddit, is new to me:

It's obviously an old one, but with the anti-vaccination movement and the renaissance of measles, perhaps it's time for a sequel.

PSA warns female geeks about the downside of the "Slave Leia" costume

Break.com did this hilariously nerdy faux PSA about the overpopularity of the "slave Leia" costume among female sci-fi fans:



The costume, which was burned into every male Gen-X adolescent's mind while watching Return of The Jedi in its original cinematic run in 1983, is a popular geek meme and was famously been referenced on Friends.

From this...

...to this.

Despite becoming an instant sex symbol, however, actress Carrie Fisher said she felt exposed and uncomfortable about the whole experience: "Although being noticed was finally good, it was scary walking around almost naked. The guys didn't seem to notice but I still felt too open. At one point my top fell and I nearly cried."

After years of battling addiction and bipolarism, however, Fisher is now referencing the iconic "metal bikini" in more positive terms as part of her Jenny Craig spokespersonhood: “I would like to have the option of getting back into the metal bikini. I won’t be doing that, but I’d like the option.”

Nostalgic drug ads? So that happened.

I get what they're trying to do. The parents of today's teens are younger Boomers and older Gen-Xers, many (most?) of whom did not "just say no" back in the day.

So instead of lying that pot will make your kid into a zombie, this one tries to focus on the facts of hard drugs:

This one takes quite a while to get to its point, and I'm not sure the point is all that comprehensible. Purer must be better, right? Just like '70s ditch weed sucks when you compare it to 21st century wheelchair dope?

Seems like this is more of a PSA to let young junkies know how much better they had it than The Stooges.

Meanwhile, this one goes back to the old "lose all credibility among critical thinkers by exaggerating the risks" strategy:

"K2" and "Spice" are street names for synthetic cannabis. Being too effing old, I had to look that up in Wikipedia, where I also read:

No official studies have been conducted on its effects on humans.Though its effects are not well documented, extremely large doses may cause negative effects that are generally not noted in marijuana users, such as increased agitation and vomiting. Professor John W. Huffman who first synthesised many of the cannabinoids used in synthetic cannabis is quoted as saying, "People who use it are idiots. You don't know what it's going to do to you."A user who consumed 3 g of Spice Gold every day for several months showed withdrawal symptoms, similar to those associated with withdrawing from the use of narcotics. Doctors treating the user also noted that his use of the product showed signs associated with addiction. One case has been reported where a user, who had previously suffered from cannabis induced recurrent psychotic episodes, suffered reactivation of their symptoms after using Spice. Psychiatrists treating him have suggested that the lack of an antipsychotic chemical, similar to cannabidiol found in natural cannabis, may make synthetic cannabis more likely to induce psychosis than natural cannabis.

Doesn't sound half bad.

I would also like to point out that Lucasfilm does not take kindly to social marketing campaigns that "borrow" its intellectual property.

Besides which, we middle aged hipsters all know that R2-D2 is more of a tobacco guy:



Partnership for a Drug-Free New Jersey ads Via Animal NY

The real question is, did Han do shots first?

This little gem has been jumping around hyperspace for quite some time, but it was new to me.



It's a 1979 anti-DWI PSA for the US Dept of Transportation, done in collaboration with Lusasfilm:



Featuring the freaky aliens from the Cantina scene in Mos Eisley, it seems to show that even alien space pirates with the death sentence on twelve systems don't let friends drive drunk. Then we get a cheap shot of the Millennium Falcon and the one actual human star of the series, James Earl Jones, telling us,

"When friends drink too much, even in galaxies far far away, friends don't let friends drive drunk."

What's especially amusing about this PSA (in addition to its epic crappiness) is that it comes from a long time ago when the Star Wars brand was still in its experimental stage.

Flush with unexpected success from the first film, Lucas' early attempts to keep people interested until Empire Strikes Back was in theatres were often quite comic.

Let's not forget the monumentally regrettable Star Wars Holiday Special:



In context, using some of the lower-priced assets for social marketing purposes was downright virtuous.

Oh, and there is... another... awkward example of Star Wars social marketing...



Use the Force, folks, and stay safe and healthy this Christmas.