Better meat is coming to fast food

I've been going on about it for a few years now, but it's actually happening.

Chipotle dropped the gauntlet with its promise of more local, sustainable sources. McDonald's has tried to become more transparent about its farm-to-fork supply chain (especially in Canada and Australia). Also in Canada, an independent A&W promises "hormone-free" beef and chicken raised without antibiotics.

Now American chain Carl's Jr. (whose gratuitously sexed-up ads frequently feature here) is doing something really smart: They're offering their customers a choice.

According to Burger Business, Carl’s Jr. is ready to introduce the first “all-natural, no hormones, no antibiotics, no steroids, grass-fed, free-range beef patty” from any major quick-service (fast food) chain in the United States.

But they're not replacing their ordinary beef burgers, just offering the more natural beef as an upgrade:

“We’ve seen a growing demand for ‘cleaner,’ more natural food, particularly among Millennials, and we’re proud to be the first major fast-food chain to offer an all-natural beef patty burger on our menu. Millennials include our target of ‘Young Hungry Guys’ and they are much more concerned about what goes into their bodies than previous generations,” Brad Haley, chief marketing officer for Carl’s Jr., said in a statement announcing the new burger. “Whether you’re into more natural foods or not, it’s simply a damn good burger.”

Great news for people concerned about where their meat comes from, and how the animal lived. Now it's up to the restaurant's regulars to put their money where their mouths are.

Hardee's not-at-all-subtle oral sex joke underpants

Now you can say "eat me" to everyone in the room for just $20. If worn at work or in public, sexual harassment legal fees might be substantially more.

Via eatlikeyoumeanit.com

Be naughty this holiday season. #TBT Buy boxers here: http://t.co/v4x6CkqjPb. pic.twitter.com/ZgOOhzJq8G
— Hardee's (@Hardees) December 11, 2014

Australian burger joint unapologetic about gross "assburger" ad.

Remember the least appetizing burger ad of 2013? The Australian burger chain, Goodtime Burgers, showed a burger patty and fixings wedged in a model's "buns." No, really.

According to Mumbrella, after the ad was ruled "degrading" by Australia's Advertising Standards Authority, Goodtime Burgers issued this sexist non-apology:

Via Mumbrella

Text reads:

To those who may have been offended by our sensory arousing advertising experience in the last issue of THE BEAST, please accept this formal apology. Our point was not to disturb, but to simply introduce the erotic combination of our moist & juicy burger patties and our soft and smooth buns to the beautiful people of Bondi. We guarantee you will remember this burger the next morning. Our food is sexy, stimulating, juicy and made-to-order. So, if for some reason our last ad left you thinking beyond the burger and onto the onto the buns, sadly you have missed the mark. The point of our ad was to entice your senses, tastebuds to be exact!Yes, we are about the beach.Yes, we are about the buns.Yes, we are about having fun.And Yes, we are about great food at great prices.However, to cram all that information into one advert would be cheap, crass and in your face. We are sorry for many things, but there is one thing for certain, we are not sorry for having a GoodTime :)

The "apology" ad generated more complaints to the ASA, but they ruled “that the text in conjunction with the image gives a humorous content which in the Board’s view did not amount to an image which is exploitative and degrading.”

Looks pretty obnoxious to me. But then again, so does a good percentage of the advertising out there that hides behind "it's all in good fun" cynical appropriation of women's sexuality.

The Pizza Burger wants you to eat one for all those who couldn't

Via campaign site

Cheeseburgers and pizza are my two favourite foods in the world. But not together. That would be an abomination.

Boston Pizza disagrees:



It's an amusing campaign, by Taxi Canada. But I can't help but be a little uneasy when I think of all the people in the world who still can't indulge in this kind of Epic Meal Time kind of thing. I guess that's the nature of our society, though. We keep looking for the most decadent food experience possible, just because we can.

But should we? That's up to you. And your digestive system, which might not be impressed if you throw one of these at it:

"Add gravy for $1.65"

Cultural differences in North American fast food burger marketing

Pulled pork on a hamburger is kind of a thing now, according to Burger Business. So it's no surprise that fast food chains are hopping on the bandwagon.

The best-known of the offerings right now is Hardee's/Carl's Jr., mostly because they advertise their products like this:



Slightly higher, in Canada, our homegrown national burger chain, Harvey's, is just... well...

Okay, they may be naively featuring the actual food as the star rather than gratuitous T&A. But this is Canada. We have our own ways of making people drool...

Yeah, that's right. We poutinized the mofo. Take THAT, America!

Local burger joint offers to fight anorexia

CBC Ottawa has a story about this food court ad, for local burgerjoint Manhattan Burgers, that caught the eye of psychology student Genevieve Hayden.

"That's not the kind advertising that anorexia and mental health illnesses need to get," she told the media. "They need to get positive advertising about how it is a real issue and not 'eat this burger and you'll be okay.'"

She's absolutely right, but the controversy that followed highlights the difficulties of using humour in advertising in a more sensitive age.

The restaurant owner, Fauzy Kaddoura, responded, "That's where I think the disease starts out, doesn't it? Most people worry about their figure. They think they're too big and they stop eating. And I was just thinking this is sort of the opposite."

It was an honest mistake, born of ignorance about the disease. And to his credit, Mr. Kaddoura decided to change it anyway, suggesting "Help us fight the diet craze."

Much better—it's actually what he was trying to say in the first place. And another potentially acrimonious conflict gets settled Canadian-style.

Burger quadrant helps you chart your post-craving shame

This is a pretty amusing chart by Marc Sanders of the Burgatory blog.

His explanation:

I caught a few minutes of Slap Shot on TV the other day including the scene where the Chiefs goalie Denis Lemiuex explains what it is like for a hockey player to spend time in the penalty box (video). His closing words “…and you feel shame” seem applicable to so many things we do in life, including eating burgers. If you’ve spent any time in fast food joints (and I’m guessing if you found your way to this blog you have) you’ve probably ended up in a second or third tier place looking to scratch that burger itch. Depending how far down the chain you have allowed yourself to go, I’m guessing you will at some point end up doing the walk of shame out to your car, or back to the office or worse to your spouse or friends having to explain just how far you’ve fallen. 

The chart above is my attempt to plot out my fast food burger experiences. There are places where I have gone, found the food to be amazing and then felt the urge to stand on the mountaintop and proclaim to the world that my taste buds have been sated and my soul has been strengthened by the manna from the g-ds. And then there have been places where I have almost instantly been filled with regret, embarrassed to mention how low I have dipped and yes – felt shame. I am taking a wild guess here by saying that I bet you have had those moments, too. For every story about hitting In-N-Out within 15 minutes of the plane landing in Las Vegas there is a tale that will never be told about a shameful trip to West Philly for a Baconzilla at Checkers.

I'm kind of surprised to see Canada's pride, Harvey's, on there. Even if they ended up as moderately shameful.

Can a $295 hamburger feed the homeless?

Via Serious Eats

"Known as Le Burger Extravagant, this $295.00 burger is a mix of Japanese Waygu [sic] beef infused with 10-herb white truffle butter, seasoned with Salish Alderwood smoked Pacific sea salt, topped with cheddar cheese—hand-formed by the famous cheesemaker James Montgomery in Somerset, England, and cave-aged for 18 months—shaved black truffles, a fried quail egg and served on a white truffle-buttered Campagna Roll, which is topped with a blini, creme fraiche, and Paramout Caviar's exclusive Kaluga caviar—a beautiful golden caviar with a buttery, nutty taste and large pearls from the Huso Dauricus farm raised in Quzhou, China. The finishing touch to this incredible burger is a solid gold 'Fleur de Lis' toothpick encrusted with diamonds and designed by world-renowned jeweler Euphoria New York."

Yeah, it's a publicity stunt. At least the venerable NYC restaurant, Serendipity 3, is donating the profits from selling what is now the world's most expensive hamburger to the Bowery Mission.

But is such outrageously conspicuous consumption an appropriate way to raise funds for the homeless and starving?

What would happen if Boris Vallejo directed a hamburger ad?

If the the master of over-the-top fantasy illustration were asked to direct a Carl's Jr. ad, it would have some beefy guy in Greco-Roman bondage gear, standing on a mountaintop...

...wielding magical powers...

It would have busty women lolling around in improbable bikini armour...

 It would have mythical beasts...

 It would have even more gratuitous T&A...

And it would look like this:



Alas! Boris did not do this. But it is his kind of epic.

Ad by David and Goliath

Tip via AdFreak

The sweet smell of flame-broiled desperation

Adfreak recently featured this Burger King ad from Singapore:



Not exactly subtle, eh? But what else can we expect from the corporation that managed to put Spongebob Squarepants and Sir Mix-A-Lot in the same spot:



Some people found this pretty amusing; others did not.

My interest in all this is how Burger King, as a "challenger" brand, is resorting to increasingly desperate viral campaigns in the face of tumbling profits. Sure, they're coming up with some very entertaining gimmicks, like joke marketing "Flame", "the body spray of seduction, with a hint of flame-grilled meat" and using a hilariously saucy web site to make it viral. (Although I did feel like I might catch something from it...)

But what about the basics? Perhaps "the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about", but I can't see how BK's innovative marketing efforts are going to get people to crave their hamburgers. A cheeseburger is just about my favourite food on the planet, but Burger King seems to have forgotten what they're selling. On the other hand, I thought Harvey's "Meat. Fire. Good." campaign of a few years back was just about the best primal pitch of all time. They know why I go there; they just need to keep reminding me.

In my humble opinion, Burger King needs to focus on the food. I haven't eaten a Whopper in years, and I'm not going to start because the company has a wicked sense of humour. Besides, no matter how cheeky a corporation gets in its advertising, the Internet can always do them one better (found posted on Fark.com):



That about sums it up. It's not the kind of fast food I'd be willing to lose friends over.