Valentines from the pre-MMR vaccine days.

Since there is so much talk these days about the return of childhood diseases such as measles, thanks to the anti-vaccination movement, I found it interesting to look at some goofy valentines from the days before MMR vaccine:

Source

This one could be either measles or rubella ("German measles").

Source

And this is classic mumps.

I only really know what mumps is supposed to look like because when I was a child in the '70s, there were still generations of adults who had experienced it first-hand. It showed up in the children's books and cartoons they wrote and illustrated (like Alligator Pie).

Now, however, these diseases seem to be poised for a comeback.

Between 1912 and 1916, 26 out of every 1000 reported cases of measles resulted in death. (It was down to 1/1000 by the '50s.) Mumps had occasional complications such as meningitis, hearing loss, and my favourite: "painful testicular inflammation." Rubella is most dangerous to the fetuses of pregnant women.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's from a very manly brand of lube

A soldier's homecoming becomes a pitch for marriage equality. It's been done before (and better) by UK activist and director Mike Buonaiuto.



But this one has more than human rights to sell. It's also pitching you the most hilariously gendered brand of lube I've ever seen:

Their women's line is called "Pink". No, really! A gentle reminder that this is, after all, an American company.



Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I hope you get some love today, even if it's from yourself.

Bad Valentine's Marketing #5: girlie-man

This e-card has been making the rounds for Julyna, a Toronto-based answer to Movember during which women groom their pubic hair into whimsical patterns to raise money for cervical cancer research.

All I can think about is that scene from Silence of the Lambs. Weird.

Bad Valentine's Marketing #4: what, what?

This Australian postcard reads, "This Valentine's, wherever you want to shoot your cupid's arrow, show your true love. This Valentine's Gift of Love is FREE. But if you love truely, [sic] any donation will wing its way to Kirketon Road Centre."

Their rationale, as it appears on Ads of The World:

On a day where the birds and the bees and all things amorous are exploding around us, we thought it the most appropriate time to help raise awareness, and more importantly donations, for the Darlinghurst Kirketon Road Centre through a community based health message this Valentine’s. In an engaging and quirky way to promote love and safety around tomorrow we have distributed thousands of condoms in 70’s inspired graphic packaging through numerous bars and clubs in in the 2010/2011 postcode with the message; This Valentines Day, wherever you want to shoot your cupid’s arrow, remember “Love is...”

The cause is important. The '70s illustration idea is kind of cute. The graphic indication on anal sex is explicit. But the typo, in the DM world, is unforgivable.

Click here if you didn't "get" the headline.

Bad Valentine's Marketing #3: trashy

This one's from Copyranter. Photoshopping a tiny, glowing, waste bin into an engagement shot is actually kind of awesome.

Bad Valentine's Marketing #2: 'til death do us part

Via "30 Valentine's Day Gift Fails" on Buzzfeed.

Bad Valentine's Marketing #1: I scream @DairyQueen

I can't decide what the worst part of this DQ Twitter pic is — the pun, the classroom note concept, or the shitty photoshop...

Nothing says "I Love You" like a comically oversized teddy bear for #valentinesday

The bear, not the relationship.

Miss Representation shared this frighteningly bad infomercial by Vermont Teddy Bear. In it, men are exhorted to forgo chocolates and roses, and buy the wife/girlfriend/mistress what she really wants: an oversized teddy bear to cuddle when you're not around.


The gift itself is rather infantile. But the infomercial is really bad, attempting to position the bear as some kind of sexy gift.

If you want to underscore the sexiness of giving plush for Valentine's Day, you can also opt for "Teddy With a Teddy". Or, for your best chance of getting laid (or scaring her far, far away) shell out $29,999 for their "giant bear with a 5.90 carat diamond ring". Just make it clear that you're the one proposing...

HJ Gloves, by IsoBoner

Casey just sent me this spoof ad from Funny or Die. (It's a little gross, so watch at own risk.)

HJ Gloves from Adam Scott      

Pretty funny, although the Obsession ad parodies are pretty done at this point. And the gloves? Iggy rocked those more than 40 years ago.

HJ Gloves, by Ig, circa 1970

Best Typo of Valentine's Day 2012

Courtesy Teleflora. As shared by a Consumerist reader, who explains:

"This was not my intended message. I had said she was the best lover in the whole world. I tried calling Teleflora about it, but it seems as though their lines are all disconnected or overwhelmed. Am I the victim of mistyping by someone else, or is this more widespread and possibly a disgruntled employee making everyone pay?"

That must have been awkward.

If you've seen a better one, please post it below.

Happy Day After Valentine's Day

Tatjana shared this bit of insanity from The Viral Factory. (It's two years old, but new to me.)



Okay.

#PRmageddon — Post-Valentine's edition

Jezebel has a great little piece about how the big flower industry took a social media beating yesterday due to disappointing product, shabby service, and often complete failure to deliver.

Ouch! FTD may want to rethink that slogan, "say it your way". It looks like their customers already have.

As the article points out, " course, Valentine's Day floral screw-ups have probably been happening for years, but now thanks to the magic of social networking, we have an up close and personal view of the epic fails all of the major online florists seem to be experiencing at the moment."

What Jez fails to mention is the phenomenal "out" this provides to all the men with disappointed (intentionally) flowerless Valentine's dates. "I ordered it from FTD" could be the new "the cheque is in the mail".



No word on whether Teleflora caused Adriana Lima's date to sleep on the couch.

The five worst Valentine's puns you may read today #vday

via

Via Retronaut

Via

Via Retronaut

Via PETA

The real St. Valentine

There he sits (his head, anyway) in the Basilica of Santa Maria in Cosmedin, Rome. All that we really know about him is that his feast day is today (February 14) and that he is dead. Stories about him being a priest martyred by Emperor Claudius for secretly marrying Christian couples is a bit of late Mediaeval and Renaissance embellishment, as is his association with love and romance (attributed to Chaucer).

So enjoy your cards, candies and sexy time while you may. You'll eventually be a dead person people make up stories about too.

Hello Hooters #vday

Remember when Burger King and CP+B got in trouble for sexualizing Spongebob Squarepants in a kiddie promotion? Apparently that would have been fine in Japan, where Hooters is Using Hello Kitty in a "sexy" Valentine's Day dessert promotion.

Via Eater

Oh well, I guess that poor cartoon cat has been through worse humiliations.

Marriage proposal infographic #vday

Apparently, the girlfriend works at Mashable. So maybe she'll actually like it. (I hope so, because I'm looking forward to the wedding night venn diagram.)

Via Buzzfeed

Google wants you to feel lucky... in love #vday

Google is well-known for its doodles on the homepage. Today's is, appropriately, a sweet little message of love:



And yes, that includes same-sex couples. (Although the princess and the frog would seem to validate some of Rick Santorum's more outrageous views on equal marriage:)

R/GA Presents: The Workplace Sexual Harassment Twitter App #officecupid

What a terrible idea.

R/GA has launched this cute little self-promotional Twitter thing that is bound to get someone in trouble. Anonymous "valentweets" may seem really sweet, until you remember the following rule of the internet:
person + anonymity + audience = total dickwad.

In other words, this could make Mad Men look like a model of appropriate relations between the sexes at work.*

So let's try:

And... nothing. I just got stood up by myself. On Valentine's Day. **sob**

*Here's the TOU:


By using rgaofficecupid.com managed by R/GA ("we" or "us"), you signify that you have read, understand and agree to be bound by these Terms of Use. These Terms of Use may be updated from time to time for any reason. Children under the age of 13 are not permitted to use rgaofficecupid.com. All information and content added, created, uploaded, submitted, distributed, or posted to rgaofficecupid.com and content generated by us ("Content") is your sole responsibility. We will not be liable in any way for any Content. When you participate, you do so at your own risk. We do not guarantee we will be able to fulfill all requests. We may refuse to provide the service to anyone at anytime. You agree to indemnify and hold us, our affiliates, officers and employees exempt from any claim or demand, including reasonable attorneys' fees, made by any third party due to or arising out of the Content. rgaofficecupid.com collects only public Twitter account names and whatever additional information participants choose to provide. This information will not be stored or used for any other purpose. You may contact us at: Harley.Block@rga.com. rgaofficecupid.com is not associated with Twitter. Twitter is a registered trademark of Twitter Inc.

So much for Cupid

This ad for Danish dating site Scor.Dk, seen on Illegal Advertising, is pretty cute. Why did that cherup think he could get away with shooting people?



But then I checked out the actual site.

Wow. Internet "dating" in Denmark looks like serious business.

Wurst. Valentine. Ever.

Via Ads of The World

Here's hoping the day isn't a sausage fest. Unless you're a gay dude. In which case, wunderbar!